your absence by Melissa garcia

Growing up, you weren’t there for majority of what was going on. Off with another family, worried about your other kids. But never worried about me, about what was going on in my life. When my next meet was, my next concert, next school event. And if you did, you would end up not being able to go because you were always busy or the things that interest me, were too long and boring for you to stay and watch. So many times, I forgave you and let you know it was okay when in reality it really wasn’t. It wasn’t okay for me to go to all these special events and get to see both mom and dads supporting their children at what they love. Especially me being so young. But I’m not the type of person who shuts important people like you out of their life. I forgive but not forget. You always did this too so it wasn’t like a thing that was new to me. Thankfully, I did have people that we’re there for me supporting me along the way to shut out the fact that you weren’t there for me when I needed you the most. I thought I was crazy or wrong for not talking to you and start to act out and defend myself. All up until you started sending me back messages that weren’t right to send to your daughter. Messages that made me seem like the victim and you the guilty one. The time I hurt most was my graduation. One of the biggest highlights of my life, where families come and celebrate this big milestone in your life for achieving so much. Everybody went, everybody but you. That hurt the most, especially because it was all set back to me. It being my fault that you didn’t come. That didn’t stop me from having you in my life although it should have. It kept me to continuing having you in me life because I still loved you. Time after time, I still choose to keep someone like you in my life, even though at times you wouldn’t keep me. All I’ve ever wanted was to feel pure love and support from you and all I ever got was guilt and let downs. Now, being the age I am, having the lessons I’ve learned, I still do love and care about you but do not put forth as much effort as much as I used to. Of course, you blame me and get upset when I don’t call or text you. But if it wasn’t for me we wouldn’t even communicate in such important holidays or important days for us. Oh sorry I forgot, it’s my fault. Now a days I’m lucky to get a text from you, saying that you “love me”, and that you do soo much for me and I’m the one who doesn’t appreciate it. I’m the wrong one for thinking you are. I’m the monster, the one who doesn’t answer the one who choose to pick a new dad and family and in your words forget about my own. Now I don’t do it for you, instead I do it for two of the strongest people I know. My brother and my sister. The ones that also need you the most especially since you’re all they have. I love you, I really do but i can’t keep putting in all this effort for someone who didn’t even call to wish me a happy birthday but instead just a text.

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